Adventures in the Ark.......

So you think you want to homeschool.....

2012-01-17T06:26:00.001-08:00

I was recently asked for some advice by a newbie, and since it's a

question I've been asked a lot recently, I thought I'd blog my answer.

Dear S:

Do you want the short answer or the long answer?

Short answer: If you are homeschooling a four year old and want to know where to go to get free, easy curriculum materials go here , here and here. But also read up the Charlotte Mason and Maria Montessori philosophies and read lots of challenging books aloud to your child.

Oh and read this post on why we homeschool, and read this and this

on how we workbox kindergarten and this on how we homeschool the younger years.

(Eden's side of the school room)

Looooong answer:

First of all, you can do it. You can do it because God has equipped you to teach your own child, as evidenced by - ahem - everything you teach him every day. (Where would we be as a species if we didn't have this basic ability?) Also, you can do it as evidenced by the reams of research that has proven that homeschooled children do as well or better than traditionally schooled children on every single measure, INCLUDING (and perhaps especially) socialization. This is true notwithstanding a family's socioeconomic status or the parents' post secondary education. So let's just settle that part now.

However, it is hard, very hard, to unplug from the idea that the sun rises and sets and your child will someday go to public school. In fact, for me, making the decision to homeschool was the hardest part. Letting go of some of my plans for myself and how I would spend my own time while my kids were in school also took some time.

Be prepared for criticism. Research on homeschoolers can be found here and here. So if (when) you get criticism or concern from well meaning friends and family members, you can simply agree with them that homeschooling is definitely not for everyone and then diplomatically say that while they are certainly entitled to their own opinions and choices, they are NOT entitled to their own facts. And then graciously direct them to those facts, you know, to alleviate their concern. (Oh, and tell them to read "Hold On to Your Kids", a parenting book not about homeschooling, especially if their kids are in school.)

You CAN do it.

If you honestly think about it, the skill of being a professional teacher is to teach "school". By "school" I mean, the delivery of traditional education to 30 kids with different abilities. It takes special skill to teach the same thing, at the same time and in the same way to a whole lot of kids, (some of whom have learning challenges, some with behaviour challenges, some with a language barrier....) Ask any teacher and they'll tell you that their job is 90% classroom management. You won't have to deal with any of that. So forget recreating school at home. That WOULD be very difficult. I simply do not accept that it takes any special skill to teach your child skills you already have, namely, the abilities to read, write and learn.

Notice I said that you are teaching the ability to LEARN. This is very distinct from the ability to parrot back spoon fed information. Teaching the ability to learn is critical to homeschooling (and to life) because, at some point you WILL hit a wall where you are out of your depth (for me that will be higher maths and physics.) When that day comes, you can rely on resources like this.

(Josh's desk and the main shelving.

Since this photo was taken I've added some drawers

to two sections of this unit, which is from Ikea.

Oh, and I've cleaned up!)

But let's get back to STARTING out...

Or rather, to preparing to start.

1. Don't get overwhelmed.

It might be more helpful to say when you get overwhelmed take a deep breath and understand that like anything new, getting your sea legs takes time. There are so many resources, curricula, philosophies, work books and whatnot to homeschooling. You can not review them all. Similarly, you do not need to to teach your child everything under the sun. Think of education this way: education is like a library. You will never, ever, know everything there is to know in a library. You should, however, acquire some basic skills in order to use the library. You will also need some familiarity with the general subject areas in the library in order to make the best use of it. You are not ever going to know even a 10th of what is in any given library. So let. it. go.

2. Review some philosophies.

If you were traditionally schooled, or even if you were homeschooled in a traditional manner you might not be aware that the way we have always taught children in schools is not the only way to educate. In fact, many authors suggest convincingly that it is a very ineffective, not to mention uninspiring, way to teach and learn. That said, we all learned in spite of it, and many homeschoolers default to this approach because it is most familiar and comes naturally. If that describes you, you will probably like this sort of curriculum.

If however, like me you are choosing to homeschool because testing and parroting back text books sound like the third ring of a hot place, then you might want to read up about alternatives like Charlotte Mason, Maria Montessori and unit studies. You might even want to look into the philosophy of unschooling.

Some resources to get you started are:

Available in our local library:

Charlotte Mason: A How to Manual

More Charlotte Mason Education

Teaching Montessori in the Home (and other titles by Hainstock)

Books I can lend you:

A Charlotte Mason Companion

For the Children's Sake

Montessori Read & Write

The Unschooling Handbook

Sites to visit:

Simply Charlotte Mason

Sonlight (A Charlotte Mason inspired curriculum. Definitly order a free catalogue...in fact, acquire as many catalogues as you can they are a wealth of information!)

Heart of Dakota (I haven't used this, but many of our mutual friends use it for kindergarten.)

Five in a Row (I have this if you want to look at it.)

Ambelside.org

Penny Gardner

Also, have a look at the sites on the side bar, where I have listed favourites and things we use.

3. Consider a conference.

There are two major conferences coming up, but before you go to them see #1 above. :) www.kwchea.ca and www.ochec.org. The conferences have large (read: overwhelming) exhibit halls and extremely helpful seminars covering a huge range of subjects of interest to homeschoolers. Topics include starting out, homeschooling boys, dealing with learning challenges, living on one income, learning for crafty types...and on and on. You might think that you can put off conferences until later in your homeschool journey, and you can, but I have found that because there is so much to see, particularly in the exhibit halls, a number of exposures actually increased my familiarity with the offerings and made it much less overwhelming when the time came to make bigger (and more expensive) curriculum choices. So my advice is to go, breath deeply, learn as much as you can and tell yourself you have lots of time to consider your options.

I hope this helps! I might do another post on why homeschooling works for us soon, if the new addition allows.

Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip

2011-10-15T19:36:00.001-07:00

Just a little note to explain Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (DDH.)

About four in a thousand babies are born with DDH. This means they have either dislocated or dislocatable hips. It is a result either of positioning in utero, most commonly breech presentation, or a genetic predisposition. It effects girls more often than boys (because they are more susceptible to effects of the maternal hormone relaxin.)

DDH is a shallow hip joint, basically. The hip is a ball and socket joint. If the socket is too shallow it is easier for the ball of femur to slip out or dislocate. Lexy had a shallow hip joint and it was fairly easy for the Orthopedic surgeon to dislocate. Yuck.

At one week of age she was placed in a pavlik harness. This horror show of a contraption splayed out her legs like a frog, and in so doing directed the ball of her femur deeply into the socket of her hip. As she grew the hip socket formed more deeply around the ball from the pressure created by this positioning. She wore it full time for 7 weeks and then just at night for a further 4 weeks.

It was a major drag. It was heartbreaking to know that my precious baby and I would have only one week of skin to skin contact. And it was to make breastfeeding very difficult.

But frankly, it was a blessing that she was diagnosed so early. Had it not been detected within the first few months of her life she would have been in for a far more severe correction and for a much longer period of time.

After the diagnosis, I discovered that my maternal grandmother had surgery for disparate leg length at two years old, indicating that she was probably born with DDH and it went undiagnosed. This meant that Lexy's issue was likely genetic. Had the DDH been missed, Lexy would have needed long term hard casting or surgery. Most kids who have this surgery spend MONTHS in full body casting. So we got off pretty easy.

Make sure your babies are checked well for DDH, especially if they are breech or you have a family history. Toe walking in toddlers can indicate missed DDH too.

Happily the treatment was quite successful, albeit awkward, and now we have a perfect set of baby hips. :)

2011-06-11T10:29:00.000-07:00

Just came back from my daughter's first dance recital.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it.

I know how I feel about it, which is underwhelmed.

I'm asking myself, "Why dance?"

You have to understand that I am not a girly girl. Never was, never will be. So maybe I just don't "get" it.

Of course what I "get" matters much less than what my daughter "gets", and I'm far more interested in letting her be who she is.

But I don't get it.

Why do little girls want to take dance lessons? Is it the

pretty pink tutu? The ballerina princess mystique of it? A desire to move with music and to express themselves? Ideally all of the above?

(Or is it just that we decide, socially, that little girls dance and little boys play hockey?...But that is another blog post.)

I could make a pretty strong case that my daughter is musical and that music grabs her heart. I could argue pretty convincingly that dance provides an outlet for that expression and it is therefore good for her. "Good" for her beyond the fun, dress-up, tutu part.

But that is really not what I saw this afternoon.

Come, on Rebecca, what were you expecting?

Well, I know.

In my fantasy she was listening to beautiful classical music and bending and stretching her body in increasingly challenging ways, interpreting music through movement, all the while wearing the tutu and acting out the part of ballerina princess. But what I saw was a very light series of physical movements, which she's been repeating ad nauseum for at least 4 months. Nothing particularly challenging to her body. Nothing particularly fundamental to ballet. Really just a very expensive exercise in dress-up. (Please understand, that I am happy to provide said experience, really, I am. I'm just beginning to question the value of it.)

It wasn't just the 4 year olds, you understand.

Class after class of girls got up on that stage and almost none of them did something that made me think, "I hope she can do THAT when she gets older." Particularly surprising was the "ballet" class that danced to the Yodelling Song from the Sound of Music, at one point doing a can-can style butt flash.

Yup.

Pardon me, but it ain't ballet if the composer isn't Russian. Or Germanic at least. And no butt flashes.

So I guess what I'm saying is that it was an eye opener for me. I didn't see strong, healthy, physically challenged bodies. I didn't see a lot of dignity, but perhaps that is in the eye of the beholder.

And the music was grating. (Though, that much is definitely me. )

And I'm not sure that my daughter was enjoying a banquet of self expression, though she sure loved wearing make up.

So getting back to why they want to dance. Obviously the answer is "because it is fun." And hey, I'm definitely down with fun. I'm just really surprised that it wasn't.....redeeming in many other ways. I would have thought that it built strong bodies and poise and self expression.....essentially the girly girl's alternative to sport.

Maybe it is, but I didn't see it.

What I saw, among virtually ever age group, was glorified dress up. (This was the junior recital, up to about grade 6.)

Maybe tap shoes, yodelling music and jazz hands are an acquired taste? Either way, we're registering for gymnastics this summer.

Dissecting the Supernanny

2011-03-06T08:46:00.000-08:00

So during the long month of February, I spent a lot of time sitting on the couch moaning and feeling green from pregnancy. I watched a lot of television shows which I would not normally watch.

I've noticed the Kitchen Boss uses a shocking amount of salt.

I've also noticed that Dr. Oz has only one tone of voice - the Vincent-Price-like "DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CERTAIN DOOM LURKING IN YOUR (insert food/appliance/store) THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT......"

I also started watching the Supernanny.

I am of two minds about Jo Frost, the Supernanny. I used to think she was certifiably horrid. I had never actually watched a full episode mind you, but I had seen enough fingers wagged in the faces of "naughty" children and children required to serve time on the "naughty chair" to see that she was excessively negative and not at all admirable. (I'm not saying children don't misbehave and I'm absolutely not saying that consequences for misbehavior aren't important.) I just don't support wagging your disapproving finger in their faces, calling them "bad or naughty" and telling them to sit on the "naughty chair." Why not just cut out the middle man and get out a dunce cap?

A child is not her behavior. (Hate the sin, not the sinner....)

I've come to see that so much of being a positive parent has to do with the characterization of children and their behavior. Even the naughty chair could be characterized differently:

"We don't throw our toys. I would like you to sit here for a few minutes and regain your composure. You may rejoin the play when you feel able ..... Would you like me to sit with you and help you calm down?"

Or whatever fits with your greater parenting philosophy.

BUT....after watching a few episodes, I came to see that the Supernanny is actually a huge fan of children. She focuses most of her energy on the failings of the parents. She takes parents to task for not meeting the children's legitimate needs for protection, attention or stimulation. She does not tolerate disrespectful treatment of parents by children or of children by parents. (I loved the episode where the father who was using hot sauce as a catch all punishment was asked if he was "proud of himself.") It is too bad her approach focuses so much on naughty-ness, but truly I love her when she gets those parents alone. I cheer out loud.

Like I said before, I'm not a huge fan of the overtly punitive time-out as a catch all punishment. The time out technique encouraged by the Supernanny does not seem to be accompanied by any teaching or character development. It's also very adversarial.

The relationship of adversaries is characterized by hostility. That sort of subtext does not foster internally motivated compliance in a child. It fosters fear based compliance. (And that doesn't work when mommy's not around.) Just to be clear, a parent can be an authority without being an adversary. So while I do support removing a child from a situation that isn't working for her or for others, I don't support saying or implying "you're naughty so go away" which is really what I see underlying the Supernanny technique. In other words, the opposite of punitive and adversarial is not permissive and spineless. You can correct your children and require them to be accountable for their actions with authority and respect.

You might think that the Supernanny technique is authoritative and respectful (or perhaps you have found a way to tweak it?) Either way, that is certainly the kind of thing individual families need to determine for themselves. I can certainly see how the technique might be an option for certain behaviors, perhaps for hitting a younger sibling. But for me, it's just enormously depressing that go-sit-on-the-naughty-bench would be the main parent-child interaction whenever a child fails to meet the expectation.

It is very clear to the viewer that the families with wild, out-of-control kids desperately need clear limits and boundaries. One of the main Supernanny principles is that kids are often misbehaving not because they are naughty little wretches but because the parent has not set up or consistently enforced clear expectations. The clear behavioral expectations must always be accompanied by firm and consistent consequences.

Again, the Supernanny misses a huge opportunity when she pastes up the long list of family rules. Invariably, the list is full of "DON'T do this's" and "NO doing that's." It's really surprising. Would it be so hard to say something like "We speak respectfully" instead of "No talking back"? Honestly, what does that say? It says "You're a rotten little person who rarely behaves. I expect you will be doing these negative things. I will put up a list of the kinds of things you always do so I can point to the infraction on the list before you are expelled to the naughty chair."

Sigh.

Despite the missed opportunity, the setting of clear expectations does improve the family dynamic. The wild kids begin to know what is not allowed and what to expect if they transgress. They begin to make different choices, to avoid having to sit on the naughty chair/bench/step. As behavior improves, parents are less frazzled and generally peace begins to rear its head in the home. The kids are undeniably happier after a few weeks of being Supernanny-ed. (Though I don't know what they do when the kids are old enough to physically fight sitting on the chair?) So even though I think that Jo Frost could improve her approach, I can't deny that the result is always light years better than the "before" footage.

I'm motivated to make some changes around here, inspired by the Supernanny but heavily filtered through a Grace Based view point. (FYI Here's more on Tim Kimmel and his site .) I hope that my comments on the Supernanny inspire you to stop and reflect on how much positive and negative interaction there is in your home. It is especially incumbent upon you to do so if you are a homeschooling parent. Your child is in your care all day. Imagine the impact you'd have on him if you became much more positive in your expectations. (Imagine what it's like living with a constant refrain of "dont's!") I'm embarking on my own evaluation of how we're doing in this area. You should too.

I am making a list for our family of largely positive sounding behavioral guidelines that everyone in our family will commit to following. Stay tuned for it.

Self loathing on the side....

2011-02-01T06:38:00.001-08:00

Listen carefully.

Fitness and nutrition are important. What is not important is that your kids know how much you weigh, how much weight you need to loose or have lost. Or how much better everything would be if you were just thinner. They don't need to hear about anyone else's weight. Not Oprah's, not Rita MacNeil's. Don't kid yourself into thinking that your self hatred and your disdain for others who dare to go over your accepted standard doesn't affect your children. Even if you couch it with a "you're so nice and thin" directed at your daughter, you are accomplishing nothing else but valuing your child on the basis of her body composition and by implication devaluing those who don't measure up. Your child knows she could easily be in that category.

Your child should hear you say that you are grateful for your strong, healthy body. No "buts." If you'd like to be more fit, say, "I'd like to challenge my body by getting more fit."

Don't complain about how pregnancy changed your breasts or stomach. Celebrate that your body built your sweet babies. Make sure your children hear you.

Never, never, never, never begin a sentence with "When i lose weight......."

Don't comment on how much weight someone else has gained. EVER. It's petty and stupid and your child will know that you will someday judge her just as harshly (even if you keep it to yourself) if she someday feels like she is not measuring up.

Yes. You are petty and stupid if you are commenting out loud on someone else's weight. It goes double if you are doing it in front of your children. Triple if your children are female. STOP IT.

And frankly your own weight ought to be a topic of conversation with your doctor, or your husband or some trusted friends. NOT. YOUR. CHILDREN. NOT EVER.

Weight is a quantity. Fitness is a quality.

Here is what your kids of both genders need to hear:

"I love your strong healthy body!"

"Your body is so beautiful. I'm so glad God made you You!"

"My body has served me so well! I grew you two!"

"I think i'd like to increase my fitness."

"I wonder how much stronger I can get!???"

"My body feels like it needs some EXERCISE."

Stepping down off the soapbox.

The Christian Roots of Santa....

2010-12-18T05:21:00.000-08:00

Does Santa come to your house?

He comes here. Sort of.

This is a really popular question in Christian circles. In fact, I would hazard a guess that many people have decided to take steps to counter the commercialization of Christmas, regardless of their faith point of view. It isn't really about what you can get from your highlighted the Toysrus flyer. But you know that. But is it all Santa's fault?

In fact, Santa as we know him is a fairly recent construct probably resulting from advertising of the Coca Cola Company and the famous poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore.

Or is he?

Perhaps because I was raisedUkrainian Orth0dox catholic (note the small 'c'), or perhaps because of the magic it adds to childhood, I kind of like the St. Nicholas story/legend.

I found this here and it reflects both what I believe and what I have taught my son, and what I will tell my daughter:

The true story of Santa Claus begins with Nicholas, who was born during the third century in the village of Patara. At the time the area was Greek and is now on the southern coast of Turkey. His wealthy parents, who raised him to be a devout Christian, died in an epidemic while Nicholas was still young. Obeying Jesus' words to "sell what you own and give the money to the poor," Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. He dedicated his life to serving God and was made Bishop of Myra while still a young man. Bishop Nicholas became known throughout the land for his generosity to the those in need, his love for children, and his concern for sailors and ships.

Under the Roman Emperor Diocletian, who ruthlessly persecuted Christians, Bishop Nicholas suffered for his faith, was exiled and imprisoned. The prisons were so full of bishops, priests, and deacons, there was no room for the real criminals—murderers, thieves and robbers. After his release, Nicholas attended the Council of Nicaea in AD 325......

Wow. Now that is a biography I can get behind. So maybe he looks more like this:

Or this:

Yes, folks. THAT is "Santa."

Both of my kids have grown up knowing that Santa's is really St. Nicholas. When they are younger yes, they think he lives in the North Pole. With elves. And a sleigh and flying reindeer.
(I know, I know.)

But when Josh, at 6.5 began to ask questions I did not do as was done to me and embellish. It just confuses kids about truth and lies and the reliability of their parents. I felt strongly convicted that I could NOT deliberately pull the wool over their eyes about this invisible benefactor and at the same time expect them to have a reasonable faith in God. At some point those chickens would come home to roost. My fear was that Santa = Toothfairy = Easter Bunny = God.

Um, no thanks.

I just said "What do you think?" And he said, "I think it is you and Daddy!" And I said, "Yup." (This happened the spring before he turned 7).

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?

"Wow, all that stuff was from YOU AND DADDY?!!!"
"THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!"
"And the snow plow?" (Me: "Yup.")
"And the Mellnium Falcon?" (Me: "Yup.")

"WOW. Thanks mom."

I went on to explain to him what was explained to me by a teacher in 5th grade at the Ukrainian Orthodox grade school I attended. It was the first time that this big adult lie was put into a context that made any kind of sense to me. Now, the explanation relies a bit on unbiblical theology but just hear it out. She said:

St. Nicholas really existed. He was known for charity and kindness to children and the poor....

(We all knew the story. Half the kids were named Nicholas. The saint is a big deal in Eastern Europe.) ..... But now he is dead and in heaven with God. And, (here comes the unbiblical-but-harmless-in-my-opinion part) he is praying to God that people, especially parents will want to give gifts to each other to acknowledge the gift of Jesus Christ. BUT the whole dead and in heaven part is kind of scary and complicated for little kids, so the reason we developed this myth/legend is to make it understandable to the little kids.

Well didn't that make perfect sense to me. In fact, it redeemed all the confusion and frankly, the GUILT I felt knowing this was all an elaborate adult farce with which I was expected to play along.

So my son knew from 6.5. And do you know what? Christmas has still been a blast for him and he plays along, but out of fun and not out of fear he'll get coal or disappointed parents. He knows that he is absolutely forbidden to tell his sister or any other child that there is no such thing as Santa. (And the importance of the latter must be expressly understood....so please, please, ask your children who know to keep it to themselves!!)

So, is anything going to turn on kids having a couple of Christmases of fluffy, Disney-fied magic? I don't think so. And believe me, you can have both and keep Jesus Christ right at the centre. But only for so long....because there is a point it becomes a lie. A lie that might keep them from the Truth instead of a story that points them to Him.

Workboxing Kindergarten - more photos

2010-10-07T06:45:00.000-07:00

I got a flurry of comments and emails in response to my last post, so here are some more photos I found of Eden using the system.

Here is some stuff she found in her boxes.....Get inspired!

Season sort, cut and paste catterpillar, and some Hot Dots Jr. Alphabet.

This is a slate I got for $5 at the Pioneer Village boutique at the Western Fair. I'll post soon about handwriting....

Here are some links of great stuff, much of which works well in workboxes for the kindergarten set. FREE. We're using this one today. I cut out the Xs into a strip to make her part of the cutting easier.

Workboxing Kindergarten

2010-10-06T08:08:00.000-07:00

Workboxes work for kindergarten!

We are using the workbox system for school this year. Eden is moving from unlimited, open ended, choice-based activity to more discrete tasks that require completion.

Man that sounded un-fun.

But honestly, workboxing can be tons of fun and very motiviating depending upon what gets popped into them.

For instance, in one of Josh's boxes this week I put some Shapescapes. The task was to create two seagoing vessels, one submersible and one wind powered. It is a construction toy, but it is more like art since the child is creating something more like a sculpture. This blends with our larger curriculm study Winterpromise's Adventures in the Sea & Sky, a link to which is located in the side bar. As my friend Dr. Beth recently reminded me, random reinforcement is the most rewarding reinforcement so I randomly place fun stuff in his boxes to keep the fun quotient up. (One workboxer I read about popped a box of brownie mix in a drawer. Chemistry, yum.)

One of the terrific advantages to this system is that I can get my kids to ''work'' with stuff to which they aren't normally drawn. I'm talking about stuff like puzzles, logic games and colouring books. Some of these things are valuable and fun but the kid just needs a push to realize he'll enjoy them. So here's what he did with the underused Shapescapes. He was delighted, by the way.

But I'm supposed to be talking about kindergarten workboxes and the system generally.

Eden has 8 "boxes" in our kitchen. It is actually two separate chests of drawers. We have a Rubbermaid tower of 5 drawers and a shorter tower of 3 drawers. They are numbered 1-8 with cute little princess labels. (Downloaded from the yahoo workboxes group, and printed and laminated.) Each label has a velcro dot on it and each drawer has a corresponding piece of velcro.

The child empties the boxes sequentially. When she is done with a box she removes the velcro number and places it on the corresponding spot on a schedule card. This process of removing and replacing is a bit like checking off a to-do list, but more gratifying. When the schedule card is full the school day is done. Eden's card has 12 spots, but we'll only use 8 of them for the foreseeable future.

Here are Josh's boxes. (I forgot to take a photo of Eden's drawers before she started using them.) His have basketball player number cards. He has 12 boxes. But a 'box' includes one discrete task like the book he's reading, or his Exlpode the Code or a file folder game...it isn't as much work as it seems so don't think I'm a crazy slave driver.

Eden only has 8 boxes in her system at the moment, and her boxes include larger drawers to accommodate the larger items I would like her to use. If you can't fit the whole toy in a box, you can always just pop a single piece in as a cue to what the child should be using for that stage. I did that recently with the Shapescapes and also when Eden worked with Melissa & Doug sequencing beads.

The boxes allow the differentiation of each task. Each task is presented individually, together with the necessary tools. The task is ideally presented in a way that is self explanatory. (Some users of this system will include a second velcro sticky on the outside of the box with a card that says "Work with Mom." This card essentially indicates that the task is not self explanatory or requires some teaching or other input from Mom. I don't have any of these in my system yet, as I expect Eden to require some direction for every box at the moment.)

This is pretty self explanatory, though I did help get her started by cutting out the eyes.

I try to include reading or pre-reading, writing or pre-writing and math activities every day. My goal for the moment is to get her reviewing letters, and learning to complete a task. (To that end, it is important to avoid open ended tasks, or at least leave them to the last box or two. The child should understand that there is a concrete task to accomplish. Otherwise it is less satisfying and even a bit frustrating. In fact, satisfaction has been the biggest pay off since we adopted this system.) I also try to get some hands on work, crafty stuff, a book and something just plain fun in there. If the previous day was a bit of a dud the next day will be much lighter and easier, to keep the experience positive. Here are a few of today's boxes for Eden.

At the left is part of what was in Eden's first box. I usually reserve the first box as our "circle time" box. That box includes new concepts I would like to introduce or items for review. This morning we discussed the letter 'Ff'.

In the Montessori method you introduce the sound and don't really emphasize the names of letters. This f is textured and part of our Red Letter Book. When discussing the letter we say 'ffffff' and trace the shape of it in the same direction as it is written. Of course she already knew the letter name and sound, but we still need to reinforce and review. We discussed other words that begin with 'f.' She is terrific at this. Next, she sorted the language objects, placing those that begin with 'f' on the letter.

During circle time we also reviewed some geography. (Don't tell me junior kindergarten is too young for geography. If you have ever told a child "Lions live in Africa" you have made my point. How can we omit to teach a child what we mean by Africa?!!) We discussed that a globe is a symbol for the earth. We reviewed the terms 'continent' and 'ocean', and the way the sun creates night and day. We will be continuing to identifying the continents on our world puzzle map. The introduction of the globe the other day also led to a discussion of the shape "sphere." So we also discussed the geometric solid "sphere" and played with the mystery bag to find the "spheres." Tomorrow we'll do a sphere sort.

I sourced the letter "f" inspired activities to stuff in the boxes here. Today was heavy on paper activities but I normally try to vary them with some hands-on or gross motor work.

Below are a cut and paste fish and a handwriting skills page. Also we had a leaf matching page, a puzzle and a metal inset (montessori handwriting development, more on that soon.)

Crayons and markers are stored on top of the chest of drawers because they are needed for many of the activities. Also on top of the drawers is a basket into which finished work is placed.

Leaf matching from enchanted learning. (We're also working on listening for the last sound of a word. ;) )
This one is a puzzle. It's also from Confessions of a Homeschooler. I just print and laminate. She loves them. Here she is doing another puzzle and a sequential shape sort on the day we reviewed ''m''. Guess what surprise she found in her box that day? Yum.
i

Here I popped a book that Eden would not normally ask for. She was thrilled to read it.

You can put anything that you want to schedule into your time into the boxes . Chores, snacks or even outdoor time. You can also use fewer boxes on any given day, by just placing fewer numbers on the boxes and leaving some squares on the schedule full. Josh's set is modular (Sterilite chests of three) so I could easily add or remove three at a time.

The possibilities are endless and the satisfaction is priceless.

New School Year

2010-09-28T08:36:00.000-07:00

Well this is a banner year for us at the Ark Academy because we have doubled our official attendance.

We're using the Workbox System this year, to keep us on track and organized. I'm pleased to say it is going extraordinarily well.

The workbox system was developed by a mother of an autistic child as a way of breaking down tasks into small, manageable pieces. She went on to homeschool the child using the system. She shared it with other people, applied it to her other non-autistic children and discovered it had universal appeal.

So trust me when I tell you that you need to look into this if you are a homeschooler. You especially need to look into it if you are trying to keep preschoolers occupied, or if you constantly hear "how much more?" from your primary schooler. It is also fantastic for popping enrichment and review materials into your regular rotation. I can't believe how much more 'work' is getting done, and how much fun the kids are having. (And remember, I'm part Charlotte Mason-y and part unschooler at heart.)

The system fosters independence and unbelievable motivation. (Okay, we've been at it two weeks, but so far so WOW.) I am not going to lie to you - it is more work for me. But the payoff has been enormous.

So read the link, do a google search and stay tuned for more on how we use the workboxes. (You don't need to read the book to get an understanding of how the system works. You will probably want to make changes to suit your family (as we have), so doing a blog surf and checking out how other families have adapted the system makes alot of sense. )

Due to popular demand, we'll start with the preschool/kindergarten workboxes. ;)

And for your viewing pleasure, recent photos of the student body:

Family Movie Night

2010-09-25T16:30:00.001-07:00

Did you know that movies made before about 1960 are probably safe for your family?

I love old movies and I am especially interested in the story behind the making of the great epics like Cleopatra and the 10 Commandments. This summer I was reading about the making of Cleopatra.

Cleopatra was a groundbreaking movie for a number of reasons. It had the largest budget ever spent on a movie, it saw the beginning of the Taylor-Burton affair which lead to the emergence of modern day paparazzi and it directly contributed to the formation of our current movie rating system.

I showed Cleopatra to Josh toward the end of the last school year because we had finally reached Julius Caesar in our study of history. Some of it is, well, lewd and I fast forwarded a few scenes. Otherwise, it was well worth watching because it gave him a brilliant visual picture of swaggering Roman soldiers, preening Senators and opulent Egypt. (This movie is not what I would consider family friendly. Elizabeth Taylor is in various states of undress, a fact for which the movie is famous. There is no 'nudity' per se, but there is alot of skin. All most certainly too much skin for some folks.)

Before Cleopatra, movies were reviewed by a motion picture sensor board which basically evaluated movies for decency. The board even evaluated the costumes worn by the actors, and if they showed too much they were declared 'indecent.' (I'm reminded of the scene in the Aviator when Leonardo DiCaprio as Howard Hughes is called before the sensor board and there is a debate about how much cleavage can be shown on screen....)

Anyway.

My point is that if you are having a hard time finding movies that are not disappointingly inappropriate for your children despite a G or PG rating, consider the wealth of classics made before 1960. Obviously, you have to be aware of the appropriateness of the subject matter, but otherwise you should find few(er) unwanted surprises.

Recently we've enjoyed:

On deck we have:

I think I will preview Swiss Family Robinson, just in case there are any blood thirsty cannibals or burning at the stake.

In case you are wondering I downloaded the movies legally from iTunes and we watch on our iMac. I recommend the "customers who like this also bought" feature on iTunes and Amazon for jogging your memory about movies you might enjoy.

I'd love some suggestions, so comment or email them!

P.S. If you are interested in a great site for researching the content of current movies and videos, check out www.pluggedin.com.

Living in a foreign land....

2010-05-22T12:21:00.000-07:00

Less than two percent.

That is the chance of miscarriage after twelve weeks of pregnancy. So I had pretty good reason to be smug going into the ultrasound May 10th. It was my 13th week.

During the ultrasound, it was pretty obvious after a short period of time that something wasn't right. I asked the tech if she could see a heart beat and she said "I'm just getting to that."

Yeah, right.

Even though it crossed my mind that there could be an problem , it DID NOT occur to me that the "problem" would be the unceremonious end of the pregnancy itself.

Technologist: I do have some concerns. I am going to send this to the radiologist.....

Me: DO. YOU. SEE. A. HEARTBEAT.

Techonologist: I am not going to lie to you. No, I do not.

And then the world crashed in.

I literally felt like I couldn't see or hear or think. Like I was suddenly lost in a foreign country. I could hear only my heart beating. I felt like any second I might fall through the floor.

Amazingly, I suddenly had the presence of mind to ask to see the baby on the ultrasound machine. (By this time Greg was with me.) The sweet technologist, who had already broken the rules by answering me directly, did show me. And there was no mistaking it, he had no heartbeat.

I really don't intend to blog on the miscarriage, but rather, what I want to do is tell you how I have survived in this foreign country since I got here that morning. Because sadly, chances are that you or someone you know and love could wind up here some day, and the kindness of the locals has made the difference between carrying on and falling through the floor. So instead, what I am going to tell you is how the locals have welcomed me to this land of heartbrake and how their care and concern has made it hurt so much less, and how it has even encouraged the sun to come out...

And the REASON i need to tell you this is because, despite the fact that my son Zacahary was a completely formed little person, who could move and feel and suck his thumb, there have been people (from whom i would otherwise to expect to hear) who have flat out ignored his passing and our loss of him. I have to assume that people just don't know what to say, or how to help....so I am going to tell you how I was helped and what a huge difference it has made.

Apparently this ignoring or minimizing happens alot, because crawling out of the woodwork came women who were still suffering from it, even YEARS after their loss. Friends and acquaintances were emailing me and calling me (and just yesterday, pulling me aside) to share about the pain of their loss, about the confusion and the worst: the people in their lives who had acted like nothing had happened.

"When this happened to me, nobody seemed to care."
"When i lost my baby at 13 weeks, no one did anything."
"I was subjected to D&C, I was unconscious and it was over. I had no idea I had any alternatives. My husband went back to work and that was it."
"I still feel like the baby wasn't mourned."

People, we need to stop this.

The whole culture of secrecy surrounding early pregnancy stems from the antiquated belief that the loss of a baby is actually the mother's fault (or worse, from superstition.) I certainly understand not wanting to un-tell the world about the pregnancy, but let's put into proper context the kind of pain a woman goes through when she loses a baby and has no one to share that pain, or to minister to her needs.

So for my part, I'm glad I told. Because sharing my joy has led to sharing my pain, and both times the cavalry came.

Greg emailed someone from the church to pray for us even as we sat in the parking lot of the ultrasound office. That email whipped around the church (Greg had given permission) and the prayer team prayed and emailed us with messages of support.

My friends got together and organized meals, each one taking a different day, and then people from the church did the same. A couple of days later one friend offered to come and clean the house. Literally about 10 people offered to take the kids.

I got emails every day from a few people. "How are you today? I'm still praying for you....Is there anything you need?"or "I went through something similar, let me know if you need any information." "Just checking up on you, hoping you are managing okay...."

Some of the people who were emailing were people i haven't seen in almost 20 years (facebook.)

One woman, who I don't know very well, took it upon herself to call me and offered her support bravely and shared the details of her own devastating loss at nineteen weeks. That was humbling.

I got cards, flowers and phone calls, and one sweet woman from church sent a gift card to a restaurant she knows I like.

People sent baking home with Greg and the kids when they went to the last Highday (homeschool co-op) without me. Several women took a lot of time that day to speak to Greg and comfort him.

Knowing that the worst was yet to come, one friend offered to come and be here with us - like a doula - while the miscarriage happened.... and that was a very welcome comfort because i've never given birth vaginally and I had no idea what to expect. She said,"Call me, any time of the day or night and I will be there." As it turned out, we managed on our own, but during those first few days, knowing that we didn't HAVE to be alone if we couldn't manage it, was a great comfort.

Many of the people who gave the most of themselves were people whose own losses had been summarily ignored. And all that giving and loving and praying and comforting is the only reason that I can find my way around in this foreign country.... and their willingness to relive their own pain just to comfort me has entirely dwarfed the few who couldn't say "sorry for your loss." So I could say that their pain has definitely mitigated my own.

People prayed specifically that I would feel peace in my heart...that my faith in God would carry me through.

And it has.

Because God gave me this baby and when He did, He knew exactly the number of days that were ordained for his life.

I am not going to lie to you....as I sat in the car, in the parking lot of the ultrasound office, I screamed at heaven....

HOW. DARE. YOU. TAKE. MY. BABY.

But as between my anger and sadness and disappointment...as between my confusion and heartbreak....as between anything that makes sense to me and HIS plan for my life....I'll take His plan, because after all, he MADE the baby. He knit him together before i even knew he was there....and then, when it got dark, He sent the cavalry.

He's holding me up today as it rains outside and I feel low. He is reminding me I wasn't there when he divided the ocean from the land and told it that it could only come this far. I wasn't there when he hung the stars and lit the sun. I don't have the first clue how puffins can return to the same beach every year on the same day and at nearly the same hour to lay their eggs....nor do i understand how butterflies navigate to Mexico.

And He has already given me the most. amazing. life....I took those blessings and delighted in them and I cherish them. And I will take everything He gives and I will (try to) let go of that which He takes away....and I will REST in knowing that He is good and He is God.

Job 38 - 42:6
Psalm 139:13-16

2.2 kids.

2010-04-28T06:09:00.000-07:00

McHusby was at his long time family doctor having a physical recently, and mentioned to him that we are expecting version 3.0. The doctor, who of course congratulated him, made a comment to the effect that "three is a large family, nowadays." I was delighted by this. Now, i don't think that three is a large family by any means, but I so covet a large family that I smugly wore that compliment for a while. "I'm having a large family." Hee hee.

Now obviously Dr. G doesn't live in the bubble I live in. Here is a sampling, just off the top of my head, of some of the larger families that have contributed to the 175 kids in our homeschool co-op. (That's 175 kids from 60 families, or such was the count last year.)

Sherry has 6
Lisa has 5
Heather has 5
Barb has 7
Mary has 5
Liz has 5
Erin has 5

So no, in my world three isn't large. And I'm not sure that three is even large in society in general, though the total fertility rate in Canada is 1.6 births per woman, and 2.1 in the US .

Now, none of my friends with the larger families work outside the home and I truly think that it the fact that many women choose to continue working after starting families mitigates against having more than two. After all, with two you can maintain a man-to-man defence with your husband. I honestly don't know how women with more than two kids work, unless they have themselves a wife (read: nanny) in addition to their husband. Then i can see it being doable and sane.

There is a person in my life (not my mother :) ) who has, since the birth of my daughter, routinely communicated to me that it is a bad idea to have more than two kids. The reasoning is always a variation of: it is demonstrably crazy to want more than two children, or the fact that finances only stretch so far. (I have also heard that it is simply nuts to want to take your children with you on vacation, but that is another post.) I think that is so sad.

I have always wanted another child more than i wanted more stuff. We're not talking about living in the third world here. We're talking about kids who might have to (shock!) share a bedroom (though we have five, so I doubt it) or wear more hand-me-downs. What trifles could i possibly give my kids that could ever compare to another sibling? What amount of money or stuff is worth a girl's lifelong relationship with a sister....or a boy's with his younger brother? It boggles the mind that the two things ever even get put in the same sentence.

And yes, there is less parental attention in larger families. NEWSFLASH people, this is probably a good thing. Imagine raising a child in a family environment that did NOT contribute to the child's natural propensity to believe he is the centre of the universe? That can only help in the long run. And the idea that the financial resources are more limited goes right along with it. Imagine raising children who understand that their parents are not, in fact, human bank machines. (Obviously parents with few kids and loads of dough can and do accomplish this if they are intentional. I think you do your kid a huge disservice if you raise him to take for granted that everyone has a money tree...that lack of social awareness is a huge handicap in life.)

Anyway.

I know, going outside the norm of 2 kids it isn't for everyone. I have friends who felt like their family was complete after one child. I also have friends who had only one, and unable to add to their family, felt like the odds ones out living in this huge family bubble. For some people it is a simple resources calculation, regarding financial, emotional and temporal resources. Though i think that most people come to a point where they have a "feeling" their family is complete, and it seems that this "completeness" is irrespective of financial issues. I can't imagine ever feeling that way, but we'll see.

I would be open to adopting another child after this one is born, because again, how does extra money and bedrooms and christmas-presents-per-child compare to loving an orphan? Let's love the orphan and not try to preserve our right to more stuff! I am continually baffled that more people don't adopt...but i guess that too comes back to the 'norm' of two kids or less, and the perfectly understandable desire to have one's own biological children and the logistical difficulties of two working parents going to a zone defence.

Anyway no matter how many children you have or will have, children are a blessing. It's a fact.

Toys R Us Part II

2010-03-31T13:27:00.000-07:00

I am brainstorming ways to improve our play space. Mostly this will involve purging, but it will also involve turning my mind to the ways in which I would like to see the space used. I want to encourage creativity, play and INDEPENDENT CLEANING UP!

This, you will recall, is our play room.

I didn't organize it before I took this photo, so please don't look at it with a critical eye.

There are three banks of open shelves on the left. Art materials on the top, montessori materials and Melissa & Doug type toys in the middle shelves. On the right are toys. Lego, cars, Lincoln Logs, Rokenbok for Josh, and for Eden her farm set, tea set, doctor kit, accessories for her dolls, Mr. Potato head. Puzzles and musical toys are in the drawers under the train table. Out of sight is our round ikea table, doll house and the piano. You get the idea.

This space has been very functional, but not so inspirational. It is in a rut. I want to make our play space more magical. And I have alot to work with. The photo doesn't do this room justice. It has a high cathedral ceiling, enormous windows and incredible light.

I am so inspired by this Fairy Play House created by my sweet friend S.A. ( I can't get the photo to copy, so just click and see them all. Then bookmark her blog. It's awesome.) I don't have a special building in which to create a fantasy play space for my littles, but I do have alot of space. Okay, I will have alot of space after the great purge of 2010. And perhaps a fantasy play space is just the carrot the kids need to soothe the ache for the random plastic Dora/Spiderman/useless crap I pitch.

So. Brainstorming..........

I want something like this to be the centre piece of our room:

Because the truth is that kids do judge books by their covers. And frankly, I have no ability to remember all the books we have. I fantasize about spreading out the books for the week or month on shelves like this. What a great way to make books a center piece in our learning space.

And seriously, doesn't that make way more sense then stuffing shelves full of occasionally used toys?

Now that Eden is older, I feel like I should have a more complete art area. But the fear that she will cut off all her hair persists. So does the fear that she will finger paint "makeup" on her Corolle dolls. Or cut their hair.

But LOOK at this art area (the link for which is here):

Now this is obviously for children older than almost four. But it is inspiring. And again, a much better use of space than the vast majority of toys.

And then that leads me to another critically important area for the play space....the dress up corner. Look at what this family created:

The only thing that is missing is a mirror. And by the way, shop here for fabulous Canadian made dress up clothes.

Having the curtians isn't an option for us because our play room has a very high, vaulted ceiling. But I like how they've displayed the clothes so the child can see them. Passionate Housewife did that with her Fantasy Play Space too. I am not a fan of toy boxes or dress up trunks.

Oh and I guess i should include an area dedicated to my son, the Mythbuster. For Christmas a couple years ago I gave him a box full of "mythbusting" stuff. The kind of stuff he demand at 5:10 pm, when i am in the middle of making dinner. The kind of household stuff, that, once in the hand of a 7 year old, you never see again - but will desperately need. Like string (which I can never find when i need to tie a chicken), sticky tack, various kinds of tape (especially double sided), hole puncher, elastics, paper clips, a hole puncher, a stapler, magnets, glue stick, popsicle sticks, pipe cleaners....

I also think I want to focus on areas for a few treasured toys. Josh's Rokenbok, and Eden's babies and doll house.

Now, how to pull it all together in a way that is functional and inviting....and magical???

In which Mummy gets buried by the toys....

2010-03-31T12:23:00.000-07:00

Let it be understood that I am NOT complaining.

I think it is wonderful that so many people love my kids so much as to give them (way too many) toys.

I think it is wonderful that I have the means to buy nice things for my kids.

There is only one more thing we (I) need to acquire in our home:

The ability to let. things. go.

Because seriously, I feel like our trusty heroes in the photo above.

Perhaps it is because I am pregnant and nesting (does that happen in the first trimester?) Or maybe it is the reality of a whole other person living in this house, though it is a big house. It might also be that over the last few days I have spent alot of time sitting and being green, watching the house fall apart around me and thinking about how much better organized the kids' space could be.

I know that trying to purge the kids' stuff with the kids is not going to get me very far. But I also feel for my poor son, who can remember in minute detail every single hot wheels car he owns. (I'm sure there are more than a hundred.) "Mummy, have you seen the red car with the black chairs inside? Not the one with the yellow head lights and the silver hood ornament, the other one."

I know I shouldn't let that stop me from getting the hotwheels down to a manageable 25 cars. It's just that I know what it is like to not be able to find the really good potato peeler. It makes me nuts. (And don't tell me you only need one potato peeler, because dear reader, if not being able to find the "good" one makes me nuts, imagine the trauma of not being able to find one at all.)

If you are reading this and you have a child under two, please get into the habit of limiting the toys. Do not collect toys. Pick a space, fill that space and then do not let the toys multiply.

I am also told that rotating toys is a good idea, though I am still of the (unpracticed) view that moving them OUT in favour of the newer ones is the best kind of rotating. That way you don't need to come up with a top secret toy storage space.

I have also found that my kids do best when there is alot of white space around each toy. Keeping them at eye level works well too. So I am going to spend this time sitting on the couch being green and plan improvements to our play space.

The Onion

2010-03-30T06:49:00.001-07:00

You have to read this article.

Normally this is the kind of thing I would post on facebook, but I think that people who are insecure in their choice to public school, or who do not recognize that the article isn't referring to every parent who chooses public school, or who just plain have no sense of humor, might be offended.

But this is my blog and you don't have to read it. :)

2010-02-26T07:02:00.000-08:00

Christopher Robin came down from the Forest to the bridge, feeling all sunny and careless, and just as if twice nineteen didn't matter a bit, as it didn't on such a happy afternoon, and he thought that if he stood on the bottom rail of the bridge, and leant over, and watched the river slipping slowly away beneath him, then he would suddenly know everything that there was to be known, and he would be able to tell Pooh, who wasn't quite sure about some of it.

~ The House At Pooh Corner p. 105

I'll always have a soft spot in my heart for Winnie-the-Pooh because it is largely his fault that I homeschool.

When we were on the threshold of making a decision for Josh about grade 1, we were shopping for SIGG bottles and Josh chose a Pooh bottle. Knowing that he would be using this bottle in his lunch box for years to come, I tried to gently steer him away from something so obviously juvenile. I was pretty sure that he would be in grade one for 10 seconds before some brat advised him that Pooh is for babies. (Keep in mind that in Montessori children are grouped by three year age groups, so it was pretty darn likely some 8 year old would not only squash his love of Pooh but replace it with an obsession with some banality like Sponge Bob.) Josh would not be swayed; he was sure he wanted the Pooh bottle.

It suddenly dawned on me that by keeping him home with me, it would help to preserve the authenticity of who he is. He would have the freedom to become more of himself. He would be much less likely to become some amalgam of himself and tween pop culture. He would have the freedom to like Pooh for as long as he chose.

Inevitably, some kid, somewhere will opine negatively on things dear to him. My hope is that living his own life, on his own terms, will become so second nature that instead of changing his mind to meet the peer culture, he will have the inner strength and character to march to the beat of his own drum.

Havana the homeschool cat

2010-02-01T12:49:00.000-08:00

This is Havana.

We have had Havana since we adopted her from my cousin's farm. We think she was about three weeks old when she joined our family, though we can't be sure. She and her four siblings were orphaned barn cats. My cousin (God bless her) took all four of them in and saved their lives.

Caring for kittens this young is no small feat, as the babies need round the clock bottle feeding. They even needed help eliminating. (Normally the mother cat licks the babies to help them poop. My cousin used a wet washcloth to get the job done.)

Having Havana has been full of learning opportunities for the kids. (Though guess who got up in the middle of the night to mix and heat formula for her?!!)

She hurt her leg a few weeks ago and we were pretty sure that her leg was broken. The vet had to sedate her to examine the leg, which was fascinating for the kids. They learned about anesthesia and about being unconscious.

More recently, Vannie needed to be spayed. This lead to many questions about surgery and neutering. (Luckily no questions requiring a direct explanation of the birds and the bees were asked. Phew.)

Josh and I were fascinated watching this video of a vet spaying a cat. No blood or gore, just an interesting lesson in surgery and anatomy.

Who knew a cat could contribute so much to school?

Pre-school for a Princess

2010-01-22T14:53:00.000-08:00

So, I bet you've been wondering what Eden (41 months) has been up to during our busy days at The Ark Academy. (By the way, I am going to follow up this with another post of preschool resources.)

This is our play room. The bulk of Eden's time is spent choosing from activities found in the open shelves here. Along the right side of the room, just out of view are the toys. There is a round plastic Ikea table with chairs just out of view on the left, and a piano beside it. The table in the middle is a pottery barn train table. It is great for working on puzzles, or setting up trains. In this shot Josh has his Rokenbok city set up. This is the map, though i got it 60% off at Hearthsong a couple of years ago.

Anyway.

Since January, I have been using Hubbard's Cupboard as curriculum inspiration, though we are following it loosely. Eden loves it.

Here she is sorting animals that fly and animals that swim. You can find the free download and others like it here.

On the open shelves in the play room are art and craft supplies and I rotate toys and activity trays. There are a few described here and below are a couple more.

Spooning. On this tray are mung beans (because i love the pretty green colour) with a ladle and two toy metal pots from Ikea and an espresso spoon.

Beading. Coloured beads in a screw top container and pipe cleaners. Everything here is from the dollar store. Even the basket.

Playdough. Endlessly fun. This set is Melissa & Doug and was a Christmas gift.

As visitors to our home know, the only magnetic surface we have is our front door. Accordingly, Eden sits here on her work mat and sorts magnetic butterflies from the dollar store. They can be sorted according to size or colour. There is also a leap frog alphabet toy and the leap frog fridge farm in this shot, though I just rotated those out because she has lost interest in them.

Here she is making soup. The Ikea pots are out again, this time with beans, dry pastas, and a dry pea soup mix. She could do this for hours.

Of course, in any self respecting homeschool there is also plenty of real baking!!

This terrific puzzle is a quantity and number association activity.

And below is another favourite: Sink & Float.

Household objects, toys and trinkets are arranged on a work mat. You need three tupperware containers. One contains water. One at a time objects are placed in the water to determine whether or not they are bouyant. If they sink, they go in the "sink" container. If they float they go in the "float" container. There are marbles, a rubber duck, a plastic boat, balls, rocks, coins, keys, corks, shells....you name it. This activity is a science and classification exercise.

Tracing. A new great love of hers. This is a wipe off book, but it is getting old. I found a great consumable tracing book at Costco, but the kid plowed through it too quickly! Happily, I stumbled across a great site with tons of pre-handwriting printables . I can't wait to make her a little workbook from the printouts. (Stay tuned for the link.)

Of course she is also learning alot
by watching Josh and using his materials.
Here she is counting beads from his bead decanomial box.

Last but not least, here is shot of Eden doing what she loves most....playing Princess!!

Delight directed curriculum...

2010-01-22T06:56:00.000-08:00

I am often asked about curriculum by non-homeschoolers. I am not usually completely forthcoming about the fact that I don't have a science curriculum. The words "delight directed" do nothing to capture the depth and variety of our science learning.

The truth is that my son's whole life is a science experiment. He builds contraptions with anything and everything. (He got duct tape in his Christmas stocking.) His favourite show is Mythbusters (now watched only on DVD.) Working out the myths in miniature using wood blocks, lego and hot wheels requires creativity, resourcefulness and a growing understanding of physics and simple machines.

Speaking of lego, (though it is more math than science) download this (free!) for your lego loving kid. It is like CAD for kids. Awesome. Sooooo good for the brain.

He is also the king of non-fiction which makes it easy for him to learn about all sorts of subjects. He is all about "How Things Work" and loves this book. Any book about weather, aviation, volcanoes or the human body will not gather dust here. You name it, he's fascinated.

At the moment we are using some cool toys to learn about electricity and magnetism.

This one has been so much fun. It has an instruction manual that goes through the formation of a circuit, and the types of circuits in easy to follow diagrams. We did it together at first, but it will be very easy for Josh to duplicate independently. There is also a section on magnetism, beginning with the construction of a natural compass and moving along to electron magnets.

We haven't worked on this one (found at the Science Centre in Toronto), but I am very excited about the possibilities for creative uses of the foundational knowledge.

I think that we'll probably add some Snap Circuits to our wish list too.

Also on deck for science this term is a lap book on airplanes and aviation, per his request. Since I am creativity challenged, I downloaded an airplanes project pack from www.handsofachild.com Of course we will also be reading Angela's Airplane together with a stack of non-fiction books like this one on planes and aviation.

For both kids we'll be doing a study of weather, and I can't wait to break out the whip cream to illustrate different types of clouds...There are also loads of weather related crafts waiting for my crafty girl. We'll read Milicent and the Wind, Exploring the Sky by Day, The Weather Book, The Cloud Book, and Little Cloud.

And we'll bake lots of cookies too....after all baking is chemistry!! I can't underestimate the importance of chocolate chip cookies in homeschooling!!! Growing scientists is fun!

Doing deliberate things....

2010-01-09T08:22:00.000-08:00

I am just posting this because i want to share, and i guess i want some accountability and encouragement.

I have a vision for my kids. I want to raise godly, set apart kids. I want to strive for a godly and set apart family. When I first started homeschooling, i was worried about how the sheltering would affect my kids at some point in their lives. Now I know that being different for Christ is the GOAL. I have come to realize that I need to be actively culling ungodliness from my life and the lives of my children. I need to be a sentry at the door of our lives. I need to stop minimizing compromise. At the same time, i need to cultivate compassion for the world and a deliberate intention to reflect the gospel.

I am inspired by messages like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YY1iWVBszV0

So. What does this mean for me? It means I need to cultivate a no-compromise attitude. After all, raising these children to love God is the single most important task i'll ever undertake. I need to get hard core on top of my sin, and particularly the sin that most affects my kids - anger & slothfullness - and actively grow in Christ. For me, this means looking at how i spend my time and the attitude i reflect about how to spend time. It means eradicating the time wasters from my life. It means recognizing that even things that are not overtly sinful can be sin if they keep me/us from doing what we ought to do, or what is God honouring.

Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things.....Philippians 4:8

This is long preamble to say "i've cut my kids off tv" but really that is just the beginning, just the symbol of the shift of attitude I feel compelled to embrace. The TV has lots of amazing stuff. We even watch it commercial free thanks to the pvr and it has really enriched my kids' education. But. It is a slippery slope. I don't like the way it has CLAIMED their time. The way it keeps them and me from doing other, more useful things. Yes, those documentaries are amazing. Yes, we learn alot. But this habit of passivity is not going to lead to hours spent devouring books in a couple of years. It is not going to lead to hearts that are willing and able to see a job that needs to be done and do it, with servant's hearts. It IS going to lead to people who need to be constantly entertained. It does not encourage self control. (Trust me, I know.)

And that doesn't even begin to address the CONTENT in the tv generally. Yes, i can and do control it. But if i am cultivating a habit in my kids of NEEDING the tv for entertainment, or of turning to the TV for lack of anything else to do, at some point they are going to just watch it because it is there. (I certainly do.) They are going to be lead into all kinds of compromise as regards content. The world and all its madness is going to play a part in shaping who they become. Obviously, this does not mean that they will never watch tv, but it does mean that I am going to work at our use of TV so that, after this initial fast, it will be limited to a single, well chosen DVD or downloaded documentary, after which the screen is shut off. There will be long intervals between uses, and this will be the case for all of us.

The other problem that i have is a kind of ad hoc-ery with my days. We don't deliberately work, or read or learn scripture or do devotions at a certain rhythm every day. I had been kind of proud of this. I am a go with the flow, unschooly mom, at heart. However, not appropriately prioritizing important things leads them to slip through the cracks. Real life is happening here, every day, in our homeschool. I don't want my kids to absorb my bad habits. My sluggardly tendencies. The consequences of my ADD. The truth is, if i do not consistently model appropriate and God honouring uses of time, how in the world will my children know them when they see them? I need to model a deliberate choice to squeeze eternal significance out of life.

Time is a gift!

Protecting the cubs....

2010-01-04T15:44:00.000-08:00

Last night I was watching Planet Earth the movie by Disney. What struck me about it is how much the animal kingdom reflects common sense in parenting.

Polar bear cubs have to obey the call of their mother as she guides them toward the sea.

Elephants surround their young to protect them from hungry, prowling Lions. The Lions are after elephant calves because they are the easiest target.

An elephant calf is prodded to carry on by his mother. Though the journey is long and hard, her focus is on getting him to the best source of fresh water. Though the rest of the herd goes on, she does not leave her calf.

Nursing animal mothers never tell their baby that she is not hungry, nor do they worry about not having enough milk.

Animal mothers are completely capable of teaching and equipping their offspring for the world outside the den.

Animals have everything they need to get the job done. How much more able are we, who are created in the image of God? If you are weary this day, remember...

"...His divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence." 2Peter 1:3

Character Building....

2009-11-25T08:56:00.001-08:00

I have one friend who has her kids separate an amount for giving from their own money. With that money, the children assemble gift packs for the homeless that the family sometimes encounters. In the packages are items the children bought from the dollar store: tissues, soap, cough drops, etc. I think this is brilliant. (And by the way, these children are young - 5, 7 & 9 - I think.)

This mom does not drive past people panhandling on the street and leave her kids wondering why she isn't practicing what she preaches (give to the poor.) She also isn't rolling down the window and handing over money which might go towards any number of unhelpful things. She got her kids actively involved in sacrificially dealing with need.

Another friend, who has been intentionally exposing her family to the plight of needy children around the world, recently hosted a tea party for her daughters' birthdays. On the invitations, guests were asked to contribute to a cause dear to the girls' hearts in lieu of birthday gifts.

Our kids need to see us helping others. Recently mine have helped make and deliver meals to families in our circle that needed comfort and support. They also need to know that we can bless others through phone calls and emails and hospitality. I make a point of telling the kids that in doing these things we are showing love to others.

Today I had my son out at the store to help fill a laundry basket of necessities for a boxing day delivery through a friend's church. Hats, mits, soap, toiletries - anything that everyone needs. But the boy could NOT rip himself away from the toy section. In the parking lot I had explained to him that he would not be walking out of the store with any toys, (especially since Christmas is two days away). I explained the goal was to gather and buy stuff that people need, in order to help out a family who might not have enough and thereby to share the blessings God has given us. He was all "yeah, that's nice mom" but the truth is he couldn't. care. less.

I need to do a better job of awakening him to poverty and need in the world. I think that up until now I was somewhat hesitant about that sort of thing because it is depressing and heavy and in a way, it destroys innocence. But the truth is that you can't truly appreciate how blessed you are unless you are aware of how the other 98% lives.

Tell me, how do you approach this issue?!

Where do you set the bar?

2009-11-25T08:34:00.000-08:00

Recently I have been seeking the counsel of mothers of exceptional children and asking them to tell me what worked for them. I think it is important to have a vision for the kind of people you are trying to raise. Looking at well adjusted, christian teens and seeing the blessings that their lives are, shapes this vision. Ultimately, the main goal is to raise children with God honouring character, who are a blessing to others.

What do you want for your children? Where do you set the bar?

The one thing that these experienced mothers have shared with me is that they have been entirely unwilling to accept prevailing norms or attitudes about developmentally appropriate (mis)behavior. One called that psychobabble. The other excuseology. They were right. In fact, I would even take the label excuseology and apply it to myself.

I have to stop hiding behind the fact that certain misbehavior comes more naturally at certain ages than at others and start to look to the bar I have set. There will always be some developmental hurdle that my kids will have to overcome in order to grow into the kinds of adults God wants them to be. This is going to involve alot of consistent effort and some struggle.

But what could be more worth it?

"...but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened around his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea." Matthew 18:6"

Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action, reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny.

A really great article along the same lines.

Field Trips and Crafts...

2009-10-11T11:03:00.001-07:00

Our recent studies of insects have been so much fun.....

We went to Wings of Paradise butterfly conservatory.

While we were there, we got our monarch butterfly rearing kit. It included a bunch of monarch catterpillars and a milkweed. Over the next few weeks we watched them pupate....and then
each chrysalis miraculously turned into a butterfly!!

Then we moved on to bees....and visited Clovermead Apiary...

This was really awesome. We taste tested flavoured honeys and
brought home a fabulous jar of chocolate honey. Yum.

Of course a study isn't complete without a craft.....

And speaking of crafts, how fun was writing our names in cuneiform on clay tablets during our history study of the beginning of writing....

We also practiced writing hieroglyphs on the wall
of the pharoah's tomb....by candlelight of course...

These were some messy days, but anytime I can get them both learning and messing together it is a victory!

A Rabbit Trail through Africa...a journey in child led learning.

2009-09-25T16:45:00.000-07:00

Our history, geography and bible study this year are all in parallel. With Joseph & Moses in Egypt, and the beginning of our study of ancient history in Egypt (Story of the World), my focus is on Africa for both kids. Dd can now identify the continent of Africa and is learning about animals found in Africa. With Ds we are learning about the ancient Egyptians, and the geography of Egypt (flag, capital, major landmarks) and many things African.

The television is so often my ace in the hole with homeschool. There are just so many cool documentaries and science shows that expand our learning and give birth to new interests. Not too long ago we watched a documentary on Kilimanjaro which fascinated my son. This lead to finding the famous mountain on the map, on the border of Tanzania and Kenya.

But the biggest hit has been the fantastic history channel show "Expedition: Africa." (Note: some of the scenes are definite a definite skip forward, unless your child wants to know exactly how goat becomes dinner.) Expedition Africa traces the journey of four modern day explorers who are following in the footsteps of Sir (?) Henry Morton Stanley, the famous journalist and explorer who uttered the words "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?"

The explorers are trekking through Africa with only a compass and Victorian era maps. We. Are. Loving it.

And now my son is fascinated with Livingstone, Stanley and the exploration of Africa. And the Victorian era. (And likely the attendant cultural imperialism.) And how the explorers on Expedition Africa are "going to the bathroom." So the study of history will now jump forward some three thousand odd years and we will focus on Dr. Livingstone.

Or at least that is what I presume.

History lesson.....

2009-09-17T07:03:00.000-07:00

What fun we had yesterday learning about the timeline of history!

The dilemma: How to teach a 7 year old about B.C. and A.D.? How to illustrate the passage of 6000 years?

The solution: Montessori Thousand Chain!!

We started with a ten bar placed at the end of the thousand chain and wrote 2009 on the sidewalk with chalk.

We stretched it out to the year 1000....

...and chalked that year on the ground.

And then from 1000 to the year 1. Since the first presentation of a subject is to open familiarity with the concept, I didn't explain that Jesus was probably born in 3 A.D. Later on, i'll add more detail. (Nor did I add anything about "the common era." Blech. Love that about homeschooling - no need to be politically correct.)

We took a moment to grasp the number of years that have passed from the birth of Christ to 2009.

But wait! There was history BEFORE CHRIST?!!!!
So we stretched out our thousand chain four more times
(yes folks, a little multiplication there too....) and chalked the dates 1000, 2000, 3000 and 4000.
on the sidewalk.

And marked some dates for context. This one is Moses in Egypt for our study of ancient Egypt.

Once we had established the distance for each millenium, we used a ball of string and stretched it from 4000 B.C. to the birth of Christ so we could grasp the full length of the time in one unit. (I didn't stretch the string past the birth of Christ because I wanted to keep B.C. and A.D. separate.) Here we are marveling at the length of time that is 6000 years. I am standing at 2009 and the kids are standing at 4000B.C.

But truthfully, 6000 years is mind numbing for anyone, so we added some important dates to our timeline. This was the most fun. Josh thought that the car was invented after Grama was born. LOL.

Important recent dates - birthdays of the kids, their older cousin and the date of our wedding.

Some more important dates.....(Dido's Dido should say Dido's Dad.)

This was alot of fun!

Montessori at my house....

2009-09-13T13:52:00.000-07:00

So tomorrow is our first day of school. It would be more accurate to say that it is our first day of intentional learning time, since we really do try to live an educational life. The main difference between this week and last week will be that DS will be doing more stuff he wouldn't choose to do on his own. (This basically boils down to math, phonics and writing. He doesn't hate them, but they sure aren't his favourite! ) The other difference is that Dd will be introduced to some new montessori activities and higher expectations in terms of maintaining focus and completing a process.

Since I am often asked what i do with Dd (3) when I am working with Ds (7) I thought I would post some photos of a few of our montessori trays that she will be working with over the next few weeks.

Water transferring. I will change the containers pretty often and add stuff, like a funnel or a pitcher, or a few small containers and one large pitcher. I might add glitter or food colouring. The sponge is for spills.

This is sorting butterfly jewels by colour.

Sorting items by small, medium and large.

Rough and smooth.

I will add a blindfold later on.

Transferring pompoms with
tongs, as demonstrated by Ds.
There are three of each colour,
and seven colours - so I snuck a bit
of math in there.

A little basket for stamping.

Cutting. I printed solid lines on paper.
She cuts along the lines and into the basket.
Later the cuttings will be used for gluing.

Diurnal is the opposite of nocturnal......

2009-09-07T11:53:00.000-07:00

My kids discovered a fun thing to do for nature study and I thought I would pass it on. Try sending them outside in the backyard at night, with flashlights.

The kids had a great time together hunting new and different creepy crawlies in the dark. They also noticed that the usual daytime bugs could be discovered in different places.

The continually called us away from the fire we were building in our deck firepit to come and see each new discovery. Normally I am delighted to share the fun, but i have to admit that I was more that a little averse to all that prowling around in my backyard in the darkness. I think this was a huge part of the fun and learning.

The feeling of the grass, dirt and sticks under their feet in the dark....the sounds and the sensations of nighttime exploring....these were all part of the attraction for the kids. They experimented with the sufficiency of the full moon's light relative to their LED flashlights and noted that some bugs were attracted to light while others fled.

It was just plain fun watching them.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year.....

2009-09-01T15:26:00.000-07:00

I love fall. I love the smell of it. I love it when the weather is precisely the right temperature to accommodate both shorts and long sleeves or a sweater. I love it when, with the A/C off and the furnace not yet on, the house gets to a temperature cool enough to make snuggling under the covers the coziest place in the world. I love how a cold tile floor begs you to flip on the gas fireplace. I love the flavours of fall. Apple and cinnamon. Pumpkin pie spice. MMMMmmmmmmm Starbucks Pumpkin Spice LATTE!!!

I have always found it amazing that the changes in the weather, rhythm and routine which accompany fall seem to signal a new beginning. This has been true for me, even long after I finished (23 years) of school. It was true before I had kids who were school age. For me, fall has always marked the beginning of the year's cycle.

This fall marks the beginning of our second year homeschooling. With one year under our belts, we are looking forward to this year with far less apprehension and much more delight. Knowing what I have to look forward to, I am even more keenly aware of how truly blessed I am to have the opportunity to share every aspect of life with my kids.

I love cooking warm breakfasts with the help of little hands. I love marching around the house doing the maniacal EIGHT-PLUS-FOUR-IS-TWELVE chant. I love catching my son reading to his sister. I love making hot chocolate on the first of many snow days! (Homeschoolers take the day off too you know!) I love learning alongside my kids and watching their skills improve and their confidence grow. I get up on Monday mornings grateful and inspired to make my time with my kids meaningful. I am keenly aware that my time to shape and influence my kids is short and fleeting. I cherish it.

This fall is extra special to me precisely because this time of year reminds me of how blessed I am to live the adventure of life with the best two little people in the world, all day and every day. So while some parents (but certainly not all!) are celebrating the fact that the burden of their kids is sonn to be lifted with the return to school, I am excited about the upcoming days and weeks of our life and learning journey.

Unschooling moment....

2009-08-15T18:11:00.000-07:00

How my daughter recently learned about Frogs from my son....

Ds: MUMMY! MUMMY! Come! Look!

Me: Coming, just let me get this atom split, and i'll be right there!

Dd: Mummy! Found a fwog. A widdo fwog!

Ds: It is probably a baby. I found it in the garden.

Dd: Da fwog dumps Mummy. Like dis (starts jumping all around.)

Ds: I wonder if it is a boy or girl. It IS an amphibian.

Dd: Why it not wibbiding? WIBBIT! WIBBIT FWOG!! (yelling emphatically at the frog.)

Me: Well, maybe it is scared.

Ds: I don't think amphibians get scared. Is it an invertebrate?

Me: No. It has a skeleton.

Dd: ME HODE IT. ME HODE DA FWOG. (Takes frog in her hands)
Fwog! Say WIBBID!!!

It soft!

Ds: Actually, it is moist.

Me: Please don't squish it. (Getting concerned that we might, in fact, SEE the skeleton.)

Ds: This frog is eating the bugs in our garden.

Dd: Yucky. We keep him? We take him inside. Havana (our cat) can play with fwog.

Ds: No. Havana might try to eat him. He needs to live in his natural habitat.

Me: Okay professor, let's put him back now....... Let's watch him use his long back legs to jump his way home....

....and off we went to look it up in this book.

Science? CHECK!

Our new quadripedal family member...

2009-08-15T17:57:00.000-07:00

It took a fabulous bacon and gruyere macaroni and cheese dinner and the promise that she would be an outdoor cat, but DH reluctantly agreed to adopting an orphaned kitten.

My cousin took her and her 3 barn-cat siblings in when she discovered her mother, ahem, flattened by the side of the road. They were about a week old and needed round the clock bottle feeding and even assistance pooping and peeing. God bless my cousin :).

Her name is Havana. She weighed 13.9 oz when we brought her home a week ago. I think she is about 4.5 weeks old now, and we've gotten her up to 1 lb 5oz.

The kids are having a blast and learning so much. We are weighing her daily and observing her steady gain. We are watching Kona and Havana come to know each other. The kids are learning about orphaned animals and how we have to act as her mother.

And even DH has fallen in love with her!

Dr. Landy, tell me I'm not just a pedagogue....

2009-08-03T08:48:00.001-07:00

As i've recently been saying, there are basically two types of homeschooler. There are the ideologues and the pedagogues. The ideologues are the ones who are homeschooling in furtherance of a certain ideology or world view. The pedagogues on the other hand, are more interested in a particular methodology of education. Another way to say it is that there are those who are motivated by the 'whys' of schooling and there are those motivated by the 'hows.'

The best way to describe it, i think, is a kind of continuum. The ideologues, who are doing a very traditional (and usually religious) school-at-home approach, on the one end and the unschooler on the other end, typically using a very laissez-faire child directed learning approach usually, but not always, in a highly secular environment. (I will post about unschooling separately, as it has so many meanings...) Most of the ladies in my growing circle of friends are somewhere in the middle. And that is where i have found myself.

I have really strong feelings about testing and grading, and I feel that they foster competition and not excellence - to say nothing of the damage they can do to one's self esteem. A lower grade may motivate some kids to work harder; high grades can do just the opposite. Consistently doing well produces a child who will work only hard enough to be at the top of the hill. It doesn't inspire her to find a higher hill. Or a mountain.

I also think that worshiping at the altar of curriculum is pretty silly. Sure, it makes sense to have a road map, but some of the best scenery is off the beaten trail. I am constantly asked if I have a curriculum and whether it follows the Ontario standards. The thing is that all curricula are arbitrary. There is no magic gospel of what should be taught and when (or how for that matter.) At any given time kids in Zurich in grade 2 are not learning the same things that kids in Houston or Halifax are learning. (Interestingly though, it is commonly believed that European kids are 'better' educated.)

What is 'better educated' anyway? Does it mean that the child knows more facts? Or is it a value judgment about the facts themselves? The child can name all the US Presidents but can't find England on a map. Or a child can name all the countries in Europe but doesn't know who the president is now. Depends on your point of view, right? Obviously a good education has to have some universality to it. Some quality that is universally valued. Something that will serve the child well, wherever she is.

That quality, I submit to you, is the willingness and ability to educate oneself. And I don't see how testing to see what you DON'T know, or telling kids what to learn about and how to learn it can produce that result.

But that is just me.

Why we homeschool....

2009-08-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

I didn't start homeschooling primarily for ideological reasons. Rather, my interest in alternative education stems from the basic soulessness of traditional schooling. I think it is disrespectful of children as people (they have to ask to go the bathroom for pete's sake!) and counterproductive in that it uses competition and reward as motivators.

The idea of teaching 30 kids, the same thing, at the same time, in the same way and at the same rate, is nothing more than an efficiency model at best and at worst it is just plain stupid. There are no resources for, nor interest in, approaches that are tailored for a learner's particular learning style or mastery. There can be no emphasis on mastery because the teacher is a slave to the pace of the curriculum. (Technically, even 80% is not mastery.)

Kids who are bored (and goof off) are scolded, kids who are behind feel humiliated. And yes, the kids in the middle often manage to do fine, in spite of it all. But for me, if my kids are going to spend 7 hours a day doing anything, I am going to have a standard higher than fine. I want an effectiveness model. I want joy. I want triumph. I want inspiration and enthusiasm. I want challenge, beauty and creativity. And I want it all in an environment of safety, security and faith.

Some recent fun.......

2009-08-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

Some stuff we did recently to shake up the routine...

A mural on the garage door....Josh is painting Kilimanjaro, Eden is experimenting with mixing colours.

Escargot plates from the dollar store. Love them.

Just a day or two before this we saw a mother duck and her babies walking down the road. She crossed the road and tried to lead the ducklings over the curb and into the park, but some of the ducklings couldn't make it over the curb. So we stopped the van and got out and lifted the wayward babies up and over the curb. It was awesome. Here is josh's paintingof the mother duck and her babies.

Community

2009-08-01T11:44:00.001-07:00

I am finding it increasingly ironic that homeschooling has become our main source of connection here in London. So many people (largely the uninformed) are of the view that homeschooling must be an utterly isolating experience for both mothers and children. To be fair, my growing community of homeschooling friends are also Christians; there seems to be a real readiness among them to connect and extend hospitality. (There is also the fact that we have both faith and schooling in common.) Whatever the cause, I am extremely greatful for the growing circle of families that have welcomed us into their lives.