2.2 kids.

McHusby was at his long time family doctor having a physical recently, and mentioned to him that we are expecting version 3.0. The doctor, who of course congratulated him, made a comment to the effect that "three is a large family, nowadays." I was delighted by this. Now, i don't think that three is a large family by any means, but I so covet a large family that I smugly wore that compliment for a while. "I'm having a large family." Hee hee.

Now obviously Dr. G doesn't live in the bubble I live in. Here is a sampling, just off the top of my head, of some of the larger families that have contributed to the 175 kids in our homeschool co-op. (That's 175 kids from 60 families, or such was the count last year.)

Sherry has 6
Lisa has 5
Heather has 5
Barb has 7
Mary has 5
Liz has 5
Erin has 5

So no, in my world three isn't large. And I'm not sure that three is even large in society in general, though the total fertility rate in Canada is 1.6 births per woman, and 2.1 in the US .

Now, none of my friends with the larger families work outside the home and I truly think that it the fact that many women choose to continue working after starting families mitigates against having more than two. After all, with two you can maintain a man-to-man defence with your husband. I honestly don't know how women with more than two kids work, unless they have themselves a wife (read: nanny) in addition to their husband. Then i can see it being doable and sane.

There is a person in my life (not my mother :) ) who has, since the birth of my daughter, routinely communicated to me that it is a bad idea to have more than two kids. The reasoning is always a variation of: it is demonstrably crazy to want more than two children, or the fact that finances only stretch so far. (I have also heard that it is simply nuts to want to take your children with you on vacation, but that is another post.) I think that is so sad.

I have always wanted another child more than i wanted more stuff. We're not talking about living in the third world here. We're talking about kids who might have to (shock!) share a bedroom (though we have five, so I doubt it) or wear more hand-me-downs. What trifles could i possibly give my kids that could ever compare to another sibling? What amount of money or stuff is worth a girl's lifelong relationship with a sister....or a boy's with his younger brother? It boggles the mind that the two things ever even get put in the same sentence.

And yes, there is less parental attention in larger families. NEWSFLASH people, this is probably a good thing. Imagine raising a child in a family environment that did NOT contribute to the child's natural propensity to believe he is the centre of the universe? That can only help in the long run. And the idea that the financial resources are more limited goes right along with it. Imagine raising children who understand that their parents are not, in fact, human bank machines. (Obviously parents with few kids and loads of dough can and do accomplish this if they are intentional. I think you do your kid a huge disservice if you raise him to take for granted that everyone has a money tree...that lack of social awareness is a huge handicap in life.)

Anyway.

I know, going outside the norm of 2 kids it isn't for everyone. I have friends who felt like their family was complete after one child. I also have friends who had only one, and unable to add to their family, felt like the odds ones out living in this huge family bubble. For some people it is a simple resources calculation, regarding financial, emotional and temporal resources. Though i think that most people come to a point where they have a "feeling" their family is complete, and it seems that this "completeness" is irrespective of financial issues. I can't imagine ever feeling that way, but we'll see.

I would be open to adopting another child after this one is born, because again, how does extra money and bedrooms and christmas-presents-per-child compare to loving an orphan? Let's love the orphan and not try to preserve our right to more stuff! I am continually baffled that more people don't adopt...but i guess that too comes back to the 'norm' of two kids or less, and the perfectly understandable desire to have one's own biological children and the logistical difficulties of two working parents going to a zone defence.

Anyway no matter how many children you have or will have, children are a blessing. It's a fact.