So you think you want to homeschool.....

I was recently asked for some advice by a newbie, and since it's a

question I've been asked a lot recently, I thought I'd blog my answer.

Dear S:

Do you want the short answer or the long answer?

Short answer: If you are homeschooling a four year old and want to know where to go to get free, easy curriculum materials go here , here and here. But also read up the Charlotte Mason and Maria Montessori philosophies and read lots of challenging books aloud to your child.

Oh and read this post on why we homeschool, and read this and this

on how we workbox kindergarten and this on how we homeschool the younger years.

(Eden's side of the school room)

Looooong answer:

First of all, you can do it. You can do it because God has equipped you to teach your own child, as evidenced by - ahem - everything you teach him every day. (Where would we be as a species if we didn't have this basic ability?) Also, you can do it as evidenced by the reams of research that has proven that homeschooled children do as well or better than traditionally schooled children on every single measure, INCLUDING (and perhaps especially) socialization. This is true notwithstanding a family's socioeconomic status or the parents' post secondary education. So let's just settle that part now.

However, it is hard, very hard, to unplug from the idea that the sun rises and sets and your child will someday go to public school. In fact, for me, making the decision to homeschool was the hardest part. Letting go of some of my plans for myself and how I would spend my own time while my kids were in school also took some time.

Be prepared for criticism. Research on homeschoolers can be found here and here. So if (when) you get criticism or concern from well meaning friends and family members, you can simply agree with them that homeschooling is definitely not for everyone and then diplomatically say that while they are certainly entitled to their own opinions and choices, they are NOT entitled to their own facts. And then graciously direct them to those facts, you know, to alleviate their concern. (Oh, and tell them to read "Hold On to Your Kids", a parenting book not about homeschooling, especially if their kids are in school.)

You CAN do it.

If you honestly think about it, the skill of being a professional teacher is to teach "school". By "school" I mean, the delivery of traditional education to 30 kids with different abilities. It takes special skill to teach the same thing, at the same time and in the same way to a whole lot of kids, (some of whom have learning challenges, some with behaviour challenges, some with a language barrier....) Ask any teacher and they'll tell you that their job is 90% classroom management. You won't have to deal with any of that. So forget recreating school at home. That WOULD be very difficult. I simply do not accept that it takes any special skill to teach your child skills you already have, namely, the abilities to read, write and learn.

Notice I said that you are teaching the ability to LEARN. This is very distinct from the ability to parrot back spoon fed information. Teaching the ability to learn is critical to homeschooling (and to life) because, at some point you WILL hit a wall where you are out of your depth (for me that will be higher maths and physics.) When that day comes, you can rely on resources like this.

(Josh's desk and the main shelving.

Since this photo was taken I've added some drawers

to two sections of this unit, which is from Ikea.

Oh, and I've cleaned up!)

But let's get back to STARTING out...

Or rather, to preparing to start.

1. Don't get overwhelmed.

It might be more helpful to say when you get overwhelmed take a deep breath and understand that like anything new, getting your sea legs takes time. There are so many resources, curricula, philosophies, work books and whatnot to homeschooling. You can not review them all. Similarly, you do not need to to teach your child everything under the sun. Think of education this way: education is like a library. You will never, ever, know everything there is to know in a library. You should, however, acquire some basic skills in order to use the library. You will also need some familiarity with the general subject areas in the library in order to make the best use of it. You are not ever going to know even a 10th of what is in any given library. So let. it. go.

2. Review some philosophies.

If you were traditionally schooled, or even if you were homeschooled in a traditional manner you might not be aware that the way we have always taught children in schools is not the only way to educate. In fact, many authors suggest convincingly that it is a very ineffective, not to mention uninspiring, way to teach and learn. That said, we all learned in spite of it, and many homeschoolers default to this approach because it is most familiar and comes naturally. If that describes you, you will probably like this sort of curriculum.

If however, like me you are choosing to homeschool because testing and parroting back text books sound like the third ring of a hot place, then you might want to read up about alternatives like Charlotte Mason, Maria Montessori and unit studies. You might even want to look into the philosophy of unschooling.

Some resources to get you started are:

Available in our local library:

Charlotte Mason: A How to Manual

More Charlotte Mason Education

Teaching Montessori in the Home (and other titles by Hainstock)

Books I can lend you:

A Charlotte Mason Companion

For the Children's Sake

Montessori Read & Write

The Unschooling Handbook

Sites to visit:

Simply Charlotte Mason

Sonlight (A Charlotte Mason inspired curriculum. Definitly order a free catalogue...in fact, acquire as many catalogues as you can they are a wealth of information!)

Heart of Dakota (I haven't used this, but many of our mutual friends use it for kindergarten.)

Five in a Row (I have this if you want to look at it.)

Ambelside.org

Penny Gardner

Also, have a look at the sites on the side bar, where I have listed favourites and things we use.

3. Consider a conference.

There are two major conferences coming up, but before you go to them see #1 above. :) www.kwchea.ca and www.ochec.org. The conferences have large (read: overwhelming) exhibit halls and extremely helpful seminars covering a huge range of subjects of interest to homeschoolers. Topics include starting out, homeschooling boys, dealing with learning challenges, living on one income, learning for crafty types...and on and on. You might think that you can put off conferences until later in your homeschool journey, and you can, but I have found that because there is so much to see, particularly in the exhibit halls, a number of exposures actually increased my familiarity with the offerings and made it much less overwhelming when the time came to make bigger (and more expensive) curriculum choices. So my advice is to go, breath deeply, learn as much as you can and tell yourself you have lots of time to consider your options.

I hope this helps! I might do another post on why homeschooling works for us soon, if the new addition allows.

Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip

Just a little note to explain Developmental Dysplasia of the Hip (DDH.)

About four in a thousand babies are born with DDH. This means they have either dislocated or dislocatable hips. It is a result either of positioning in utero, most commonly breech presentation, or a genetic predisposition. It effects girls more often than boys (because they are more susceptible to effects of the maternal hormone relaxin.)

DDH is a shallow hip joint, basically. The hip is a ball and socket joint. If the socket is too shallow it is easier for the ball of femur to slip out or dislocate. Lexy had a shallow hip joint and it was fairly easy for the Orthopedic surgeon to dislocate. Yuck.

At one week of age she was placed in a pavlik harness. This horror show of a contraption splayed out her legs like a frog, and in so doing directed the ball of her femur deeply into the socket of her hip. As she grew the hip socket formed more deeply around the ball from the pressure created by this positioning. She wore it full time for 7 weeks and then just at night for a further 4 weeks.

It was a major drag. It was heartbreaking to know that my precious baby and I would have only one week of skin to skin contact. And it was to make breastfeeding very difficult.

But frankly, it was a blessing that she was diagnosed so early. Had it not been detected within the first few months of her life she would have been in for a far more severe correction and for a much longer period of time.

After the diagnosis, I discovered that my maternal grandmother had surgery for disparate leg length at two years old, indicating that she was probably born with DDH and it went undiagnosed. This meant that Lexy's issue was likely genetic. Had the DDH been missed, Lexy would have needed long term hard casting or surgery. Most kids who have this surgery spend MONTHS in full body casting. So we got off pretty easy.

Make sure your babies are checked well for DDH, especially if they are breech or you have a family history. Toe walking in toddlers can indicate missed DDH too.

Happily the treatment was quite successful, albeit awkward, and now we have a perfect set of baby hips. :)

Just came back from my daughter's first dance recital.

I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about it.

I know how I feel about it, which is underwhelmed.

I'm asking myself, "Why dance?"

You have to understand that I am not a girly girl. Never was, never will be. So maybe I just don't "get" it.

Of course what I "get" matters much less than what my daughter "gets", and I'm far more interested in letting her be who she is.

But I don't get it.

Why do little girls want to take dance lessons? Is it the

pretty pink tutu? The ballerina princess mystique of it? A desire to move with music and to express themselves? Ideally all of the above?

(Or is it just that we decide, socially, that little girls dance and little boys play hockey?...But that is another blog post.)

I could make a pretty strong case that my daughter is musical and that music grabs her heart. I could argue pretty convincingly that dance provides an outlet for that expression and it is therefore good for her. "Good" for her beyond the fun, dress-up, tutu part.

But that is really not what I saw this afternoon.

Come, on Rebecca, what were you expecting?

Well, I know.

In my fantasy she was listening to beautiful classical music and bending and stretching her body in increasingly challenging ways, interpreting music through movement, all the while wearing the tutu and acting out the part of ballerina princess. But what I saw was a very light series of physical movements, which she's been repeating ad nauseum for at least 4 months. Nothing particularly challenging to her body. Nothing particularly fundamental to ballet. Really just a very expensive exercise in dress-up. (Please understand, that I am happy to provide said experience, really, I am. I'm just beginning to question the value of it.)

It wasn't just the 4 year olds, you understand.

Class after class of girls got up on that stage and almost none of them did something that made me think, "I hope she can do THAT when she gets older." Particularly surprising was the "ballet" class that danced to the Yodelling Song from the Sound of Music, at one point doing a can-can style butt flash.

Yup.

Pardon me, but it ain't ballet if the composer isn't Russian. Or Germanic at least. And no butt flashes.

So I guess what I'm saying is that it was an eye opener for me. I didn't see strong, healthy, physically challenged bodies. I didn't see a lot of dignity, but perhaps that is in the eye of the beholder.

And the music was grating. (Though, that much is definitely me. )

And I'm not sure that my daughter was enjoying a banquet of self expression, though she sure loved wearing make up.

So getting back to why they want to dance. Obviously the answer is "because it is fun." And hey, I'm definitely down with fun. I'm just really surprised that it wasn't.....redeeming in many other ways. I would have thought that it built strong bodies and poise and self expression.....essentially the girly girl's alternative to sport.

Maybe it is, but I didn't see it.

What I saw, among virtually ever age group, was glorified dress up. (This was the junior recital, up to about grade 6.)

Maybe tap shoes, yodelling music and jazz hands are an acquired taste? Either way, we're registering for gymnastics this summer.

Dissecting the Supernanny

So during the long month of February, I spent a lot of time sitting on the couch moaning and feeling green from pregnancy. I watched a lot of television shows which I would not normally watch.

I've noticed the Kitchen Boss uses a shocking amount of salt.

I've also noticed that Dr. Oz has only one tone of voice - the Vincent-Price-like "DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THE CERTAIN DOOM LURKING IN YOUR (insert food/appliance/store) THE SHOCKING TRUTH ABOUT......"

I also started watching the Supernanny.

I am of two minds about Jo Frost, the Supernanny. I used to think she was certifiably horrid. I had never actually watched a full episode mind you, but I had seen enough fingers wagged in the faces of "naughty" children and children required to serve time on the "naughty chair" to see that she was excessively negative and not at all admirable. (I'm not saying children don't misbehave and I'm absolutely not saying that consequences for misbehavior aren't important.) I just don't support wagging your disapproving finger in their faces, calling them "bad or naughty" and telling them to sit on the "naughty chair." Why not just cut out the middle man and get out a dunce cap?

A child is not her behavior. (Hate the sin, not the sinner....)

I've come to see that so much of being a positive parent has to do with the characterization of children and their behavior. Even the naughty chair could be characterized differently:

"We don't throw our toys. I would like you to sit here for a few minutes and regain your composure. You may rejoin the play when you feel able ..... Would you like me to sit with you and help you calm down?"

Or whatever fits with your greater parenting philosophy.

BUT....after watching a few episodes, I came to see that the Supernanny is actually a huge fan of children. She focuses most of her energy on the failings of the parents. She takes parents to task for not meeting the children's legitimate needs for protection, attention or stimulation. She does not tolerate disrespectful treatment of parents by children or of children by parents. (I loved the episode where the father who was using hot sauce as a catch all punishment was asked if he was "proud of himself.") It is too bad her approach focuses so much on naughty-ness, but truly I love her when she gets those parents alone. I cheer out loud.

Like I said before, I'm not a huge fan of the overtly punitive time-out as a catch all punishment. The time out technique encouraged by the Supernanny does not seem to be accompanied by any teaching or character development. It's also very adversarial.

The relationship of adversaries is characterized by hostility. That sort of subtext does not foster internally motivated compliance in a child. It fosters fear based compliance. (And that doesn't work when mommy's not around.) Just to be clear, a parent can be an authority without being an adversary. So while I do support removing a child from a situation that isn't working for her or for others, I don't support saying or implying "you're naughty so go away" which is really what I see underlying the Supernanny technique. In other words, the opposite of punitive and adversarial is not permissive and spineless. You can correct your children and require them to be accountable for their actions with authority and respect.

You might think that the Supernanny technique is authoritative and respectful (or perhaps you have found a way to tweak it?) Either way, that is certainly the kind of thing individual families need to determine for themselves. I can certainly see how the technique might be an option for certain behaviors, perhaps for hitting a younger sibling. But for me, it's just enormously depressing that go-sit-on-the-naughty-bench would be the main parent-child interaction whenever a child fails to meet the expectation.

It is very clear to the viewer that the families with wild, out-of-control kids desperately need clear limits and boundaries. One of the main Supernanny principles is that kids are often misbehaving not because they are naughty little wretches but because the parent has not set up or consistently enforced clear expectations. The clear behavioral expectations must always be accompanied by firm and consistent consequences.

Again, the Supernanny misses a huge opportunity when she pastes up the long list of family rules. Invariably, the list is full of "DON'T do this's" and "NO doing that's." It's really surprising. Would it be so hard to say something like "We speak respectfully" instead of "No talking back"? Honestly, what does that say? It says "You're a rotten little person who rarely behaves. I expect you will be doing these negative things. I will put up a list of the kinds of things you always do so I can point to the infraction on the list before you are expelled to the naughty chair."

Sigh.

Despite the missed opportunity, the setting of clear expectations does improve the family dynamic. The wild kids begin to know what is not allowed and what to expect if they transgress. They begin to make different choices, to avoid having to sit on the naughty chair/bench/step. As behavior improves, parents are less frazzled and generally peace begins to rear its head in the home. The kids are undeniably happier after a few weeks of being Supernanny-ed. (Though I don't know what they do when the kids are old enough to physically fight sitting on the chair?) So even though I think that Jo Frost could improve her approach, I can't deny that the result is always light years better than the "before" footage.

I'm motivated to make some changes around here, inspired by the Supernanny but heavily filtered through a Grace Based view point. (FYI Here's more on Tim Kimmel and his site .) I hope that my comments on the Supernanny inspire you to stop and reflect on how much positive and negative interaction there is in your home. It is especially incumbent upon you to do so if you are a homeschooling parent. Your child is in your care all day. Imagine the impact you'd have on him if you became much more positive in your expectations. (Imagine what it's like living with a constant refrain of "dont's!") I'm embarking on my own evaluation of how we're doing in this area. You should too.

I am making a list for our family of largely positive sounding behavioral guidelines that everyone in our family will commit to following. Stay tuned for it.

Self loathing on the side....

Listen carefully.

Fitness and nutrition are important. What is not important is that your kids know how much you weigh, how much weight you need to loose or have lost. Or how much better everything would be if you were just thinner. They don't need to hear about anyone else's weight. Not Oprah's, not Rita MacNeil's. Don't kid yourself into thinking that your self hatred and your disdain for others who dare to go over your accepted standard doesn't affect your children. Even if you couch it with a "you're so nice and thin" directed at your daughter, you are accomplishing nothing else but valuing your child on the basis of her body composition and by implication devaluing those who don't measure up. Your child knows she could easily be in that category.

Your child should hear you say that you are grateful for your strong, healthy body. No "buts." If you'd like to be more fit, say, "I'd like to challenge my body by getting more fit."

Don't complain about how pregnancy changed your breasts or stomach. Celebrate that your body built your sweet babies. Make sure your children hear you.

Never, never, never, never begin a sentence with "When i lose weight......."

Don't comment on how much weight someone else has gained. EVER. It's petty and stupid and your child will know that you will someday judge her just as harshly (even if you keep it to yourself) if she someday feels like she is not measuring up.

Yes. You are petty and stupid if you are commenting out loud on someone else's weight. It goes double if you are doing it in front of your children. Triple if your children are female. STOP IT.

And frankly your own weight ought to be a topic of conversation with your doctor, or your husband or some trusted friends. NOT. YOUR. CHILDREN. NOT EVER.

Weight is a quantity. Fitness is a quality.

Here is what your kids of both genders need to hear:

"I love your strong healthy body!"

"Your body is so beautiful. I'm so glad God made you You!"

"My body has served me so well! I grew you two!"

"I think i'd like to increase my fitness."

"I wonder how much stronger I can get!???"

"My body feels like it needs some EXERCISE."

Stepping down off the soapbox.

The Christian Roots of Santa....

Does Santa come to your house?

He comes here. Sort of.

This is a really popular question in Christian circles. In fact, I would hazard a guess that many people have decided to take steps to counter the commercialization of Christmas, regardless of their faith point of view. It isn't really about what you can get from your highlighted the Toysrus flyer. But you know that. But is it all Santa's fault?

In fact, Santa as we know him is a fairly recent construct probably resulting from advertising of the Coca Cola Company and the famous poem 'Twas the Night Before Christmas by Clement C. Moore.

Or is he?

Perhaps because I was raisedUkrainian Orth0dox catholic (note the small 'c'), or perhaps because of the magic it adds to childhood, I kind of like the St. Nicholas story/legend.

I found this here and it reflects both what I believe and what I have taught my son, and what I will tell my daughter:

The true story of Santa Claus begins with Nicholas, who was born during the third century in the village of Patara. At the time the area was Greek and is now on the southern coast of Turkey. His wealthy parents, who raised him to be a devout Christian, died in an epidemic while Nicholas was still young. Obeying Jesus' words to "sell what you own and give the money to the poor," Nicholas used his whole inheritance to assist the needy, the sick, and the suffering. He dedicated his life to serving God and was made Bishop of Myra while still a young man. Bishop Nicholas became known throughout the land for his generosity to the those in need, his love for children, and his concern for sailors and ships.

Under the Roman Emperor Diocletian, who ruthlessly persecuted Christians, Bishop Nicholas suffered for his faith, was exiled and imprisoned. The prisons were so full of bishops, priests, and deacons, there was no room for the real criminals—murderers, thieves and robbers. After his release, Nicholas attended the Council of Nicaea in AD 325......

Wow. Now that is a biography I can get behind. So maybe he looks more like this:

Or this:



Yes, folks. THAT is "Santa."


Both of my kids have grown up knowing that Santa's is really St. Nicholas. When they are younger yes, they think he lives in the North Pole. With elves. And a sleigh and flying reindeer.
(I know, I know.)

But when Josh, at 6.5 began to ask questions I did not do as was done to me and embellish. It just confuses kids about truth and lies and the reliability of their parents. I felt strongly convicted that I could NOT deliberately pull the wool over their eyes about this invisible benefactor and at the same time expect them to have a reasonable faith in God. At some point those chickens would come home to roost. My fear was that Santa = Toothfairy = Easter Bunny = God.

Um, no thanks.

I just said "What do you think?" And he said, "I think it is you and Daddy!" And I said, "Yup." (This happened the spring before he turned 7).

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?

"Wow, all that stuff was from YOU AND DADDY?!!!"
"THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!"
"And the snow plow?" (Me: "Yup.")
"And the Mellnium Falcon?" (Me: "Yup.")

"WOW. Thanks mom."

I went on to explain to him what was explained to me by a teacher in 5th grade at the Ukrainian Orthodox grade school I attended. It was the first time that this big adult lie was put into a context that made any kind of sense to me. Now, the explanation relies a bit on unbiblical theology but just hear it out. She said:

St. Nicholas really existed. He was known for charity and kindness to children and the poor....

(We all knew the story. Half the kids were named Nicholas. The saint is a big deal in Eastern Europe.) ..... But now he is dead and in heaven with God. And, (here comes the unbiblical-but-harmless-in-my-opinion part) he is praying to God that people, especially parents will want to give gifts to each other to acknowledge the gift of Jesus Christ. BUT the whole dead and in heaven part is kind of scary and complicated for little kids, so the reason we developed this myth/legend is to make it understandable to the little kids.

Well didn't that make perfect sense to me. In fact, it redeemed all the confusion and frankly, the GUILT I felt knowing this was all an elaborate adult farce with which I was expected to play along.

So my son knew from 6.5. And do you know what? Christmas has still been a blast for him and he plays along, but out of fun and not out of fear he'll get coal or disappointed parents. He knows that he is absolutely forbidden to tell his sister or any other child that there is no such thing as Santa. (And the importance of the latter must be expressly understood....so please, please, ask your children who know to keep it to themselves!!)

So, is anything going to turn on kids having a couple of Christmases of fluffy, Disney-fied magic? I don't think so. And believe me, you can have both and keep Jesus Christ right at the centre. But only for so long....because there is a point it becomes a lie. A lie that might keep them from the Truth instead of a story that points them to Him.

Workboxing Kindergarten - more photos

I got a flurry of comments and emails in response to my last post, so here are some more photos I found of Eden using the system.




Here is some stuff she found in her boxes.....Get inspired!

Season sort, cut and paste catterpillar, and some Hot Dots Jr. Alphabet.

This is a slate I got for $5 at the Pioneer Village boutique at the Western Fair. I'll post soon about handwriting....

Here are some links of great stuff, much of which works well in workboxes for the kindergarten set. FREE. We're using this one today. I cut out the Xs into a strip to make her part of the cutting easier.